


of fake marriages and cake face paint

by mikantsumiki



Category: Homestuck
Genre: F/M, cliche note passing, fake gay engagements with the mayor, fake marriages, if you take this fic seriously you arent reading it right
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-10-30
Updated: 2012-10-30
Packaged: 2017-11-17 08:43:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,200
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/549702
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mikantsumiki/pseuds/mikantsumiki
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>prompt:</p>
<p>what if terezi and daves first kiss was when they were hanging out w the mayor and the mayor like whispered to dave "I have a message" then gives him a piece of paper w terezi’s handwriting saying 1 L1K3 YOU but she means like like then dave gets rly flustered and then he writes on a piece of paper I like you too then the mayor sends it to tz</p>
            </blockquote>





	of fake marriages and cake face paint

**Author's Note:**

> this is a gift for my friends in the daverezi skype group since they offered this prompt!!  
> also gomen i dont know how to code on here so no red/teal text like i wanted u_u

She knows the outcome of this situation already but that doesn’t mean she’s not nervous as shit to go through with it still. Her palms feel sweaty as she brings a marker to the paper, scribbling out her feelings within just three simple words (and also some more simple words bunched in there). It sums up how the last six months they’ve spent on the meteor up – the late night conversations, the food concoctions they whipped up in the kitchen sometimes, even the shitty raps at five AM that made absolutely no sense and were made in just pairs of underwear. It literally sums up their cluster-fuck of nights spent here.

Once the words are written, they can’t be erased, can’t be fixed, and they’re stuck to the page. Terezi runs a chalk-dusted hand through her hair before folding up her note and going off to find WV.

She ends up finding him hanging out with Dave, stacking a few cans together so that they could make a new city hall (the last one got destroyed by a M1GHTY 4ND F3ROC1OUS DR4GON who just happened to be strolling through town that day). She waits until the human turns his back before whispering to the mayor, trying to get his attention without alerting Dave.

Obviously, that doesn’t go so well.

“You really need to practice on your whispering, tz; pretty sure everyone on Saturn’s huge rings heard you by now,” He says casually, not taking his eyes away from city hall, placing a crudely drawn image of a flag with a can of TAB in the center, “Heck, maybe you’ll get recognized by some other alien life forms and they’ll dub you as their leader. All Hail Terezi, ruler of the mole people.”

“You’d miss me if they stole me away to be their next head of power,” Terezi says back once WV notices her and comes over towards her side, “You’d miss having someone to hang out with and listen to your coolkid beats and eat shitty hot sauce and cheesy potato noodles.”

He stays silent, moving on to rebuilding the other destroyed landmarks that dumb dragon decided to trample over.

She pulls him over to the side, far away from Dave and whispers for the mayor to go up to the blonde and hand him this note but not to look at it. He asks why not (wow he can be so noisy sometimes!) but the teal blood just tells him to wait ten minutes before going over to him so it doesn’t seem suspicious.

(Who the hell does Terezi think she’s fooling?

Dave’s going to know it’s her doings no matter what.)

WV ends up reading the note anyway, once he’s out of Terezi’s sightless gaze. It’s a little messy, but the greenish marker is visible against all of the other scribbles around it and chalk fingerprints. He waits a few minutes before prodding at the human’s back lightly, handing over the note.

He unfolds the paper and reads:

1 L1K3 YOU 

At first, Dave doesn’t really know what to say to that. ‘yeah thanks for telling me that you like me??? i kinda knew that already with the way youre always up in my grill and hanging around with me dont know why you felt the need to write it though’ but then right under it was a little scribble of

4ND 1 M34N L1K3 L1K3  
YOU KNOW, JUST SO W3R3 ON TH3 S4M3 P4G3 H3R3 4ND YOU DONT TH1NK 1M TRY1NG TO T3LL YOU TH4T 1 L1K3 YOU 4S 4 FR13ND  
DONT G3T M3 WRONG B3C4US3 1 DO L1K3 YOU TH4T W4Y TOO, 1 W4SNT 1MPLY1NG TH4T 1 DONT 1TS JUST  
TH4TS NOT WH4T 1 M34NT OK

Damn does Pyrope know how to be forward.

He takes his own piece of paper and starts scratching words into it with a crayon, specifically red so that maybe she’ll pee herself with happiness.

But not literally, that’d be gross.

Once he’s done (his cheeks turning a bit red from embarrassment because, dammit, he’s not a little kid who passes notes to his girlfriend during the boring math test that they didn’t study for), he gives the note to WV and tells him to send it to her and the note passing continues like this for a while.

\--

wow terezi i  
i like you too  
why couldnt you say that to my face though  
were both grown up enough to know that passing notes is a shitty cliché and should not be done in excessive amounts such as whats going down right now  
you better stay after class so i can give you a serious talking to on better ways to ask somebody out  
have you ever opened the text book required for this class??? i know its impossible to believe but everything we learn is in this book  
its full of secrets  
dark and dangerous secrets that only we can know about

M4YB3 1 JUST W4NT3D TO B3 CL1CH3 W1TH 4SK1NG YOU OUT  
SO TH4T, M4YB3, YOUD 4CTU4LLY NOT1C3 WH4T 1 W4S DO1NG!!!!!  
1V3 B33N SUSP3CT1NG TH4T YOU 4ND TH3 M4YOR OF C4N TOWN H4V3 B33N H4V1NG 4 TH1NG GO1NG ON L4T3LY 4ND M3, B31NG TH3 MOST MOD3ST TROLL TH4T 1 4M, H4D TO M4K3 SUR3 1 W4SNT COM1NG 1NB3TW33N 4 LOV1NG R3L4T1ONSH1P

oh yeah you know me  
wv and i have this secret open relationship that nobody else on the meteor knows about its kind of juvenile tbh  
sometimes we play patty cake in my room with the lights off singing kumbaya quietly and then jump in bed to talk about our shitty days and feelings  
other days we have adventures inside of can town and we make shit happen its like a fucking democracy up in this bitch

WOW D4V3 1M M4D J34LOUS TH4T TH3 M4YOR GOT TO YOU B3FOR3 1 3V3R COULD  
YOU GUYS 4R3 SUCH LUCKY 4ND 4DOR4BL3 L1TTL3 4SSHOL3S TOG3TH3R! R34LLY, 1 COULD JUST 34T YOU UP 

id prefer if you didnt eat me or my boyfriend thanks  
were on a strict ‘no getting eaten by insane trolls’ diet  
but yeah what a shame you couldnt get to me first  
i know im a very popular guy amongst the ladies but damn it surprised me silly when he came up to me and confessed his undying love for my being  
it was so tragic how he said he loved me for what felt like years and that his heart yearned for my companionship and love and that hed do anything for us to be together  
i almost cried

WH4T 4 R1V3T1NG T4L3 OF LOV3 4ND D3VOT1ON  
1M 4LMOST 1N T34RS MYS3LF  
TO TH1NK 1D N3V3R B3 4BL3 TO COMP3T3 W1TH TH4T K1ND OF LOV3 3V3R! TH3 M4YOR G3TS 4LL OF TH3 4W4RDS FOR B31NG SO HON3ST 4BOUT H1S OBS3SS1ON W1TH YOU

ikr its cute and sick at the same time but i love that guy  
ok now but we should probably talk about this uh  
yeah

YOU K1ND OF S41D TH3 4NSW3R 1 W4S HOP1NG FOR W4Y B4CK TH3R3 >:]  
W3LL, YOU S41D 1T R34LLY DW33BLY BUT ST1LL, 1TS TH3R3 1N R3D CR4YON NON3TH3L3SS  
YOU B3TT3R NOT T4K3 YOUR WORDS B4CK NOW D4V3, OR 1LL HOLD TH4T 4G41NST YOU 1N COURT! H1S HONOR4BL3 TYR4NNY 1SNT OK4Y W1TH LY1NG UND3R O4TH

last time i checked judge i wasnt swearing under any kind of oath so you need to watch what you say because the jury knows what the shit youre up to  
and they might not be cool with it 

The messages keep going on like this for at least an hour. Sooner than later, WV finally tells them to stop with the note passing and just talk to each other face-to-face because his legs are getting sore.

When the two of them are at square hall (right next to their beautiful town) again, they gather up some scalemates and blankets to have a pile. They sit down close together, knees touching and start talking about what lead this crush on in the first place even though Dave didn’t let her finish her whole thought because his lips are on hers within a few moments. His hands come up to awkwardly cup her face, pulling her forward gentle enough so that he could move his mouth against hers, shades clacking together.

Terezi wants to ask him what the mayor might think of their relationship but decides against it and leans into him, a soft hum leaving her throat as her hands brace his shoulders.

WV walks in on them just as Dave’s arms come down to her waist, raising his eyebrows in faux shock, “Mayor, it’s not what it looks like. I can explain everything.”

Terezi’s just giggling, her head nuzzling under the blonde’s head snuggly.

“We were just getting to know each other on a more intimate level,” He goes along with his made-up romance for the mayor, “You know I still have feelings for you. We’re still getting married in the summer by the beach with all of our kids attending.”

“You weren’t going to invite me?” She asks, tilting her face up towards his chin, “I don’t know whether or not to be insulted, Dave. I thought we were friends.”

“We weren’t done making all of the flower arrangements and making the guest list; you know you’re our first choice. Hell, I was gonna make you my best man,” Dave says, arms around her torso.

Terezi grins. “I’m honored!”

\--

In the turns of events, WV ends up making a nice wedding altar out of pillows, full cans of TAB and Dave’s cape, while also getting the nice titles of best man _and_ maid of honor. How he got stuck with being both was because you need one of each for a fake wedding and they only have one mayor.

Dave draws a picture of a big teal and red-splotched penis, hanging it right over their heads. Terezi make a veil out of toilet paper and finds some fake twenty-five cent ring pops that are still in their wrappers. They steal and bound some of Kanaya’s flowers together with rubber bands to make a bouquet.

He tells her that him and WV broke off their engagement (WH4T? BUT 1 THOUGHT YOU TWO W3R3 V4C4T1ON1NG 1N ROS3S R3SP1T3BLOCK?), much to Terezi’s dismay. They go online and print out the words to a real matrimony but make sure to retype it in comic sans just so that it’ll look cooler when he reads it to them. Of course, WV doesn’t understand everything that he’s saying, but Terezi doesn’t understand half of the shit he’s saying either so it works out well in Dave’s favor.

After he’s done reading off vows, the two exchange candy – they mean rings – and slip it onto each other’s fingers. They say their I do’s and Dave dips his fake bride back enough to press a breath taking kiss to her lips, one of her legs finding its way behind his thigh and clinging for dear life.

He better not drop her.

The two of them end up alchemizing some gross rainbow vomit cake afterwards, but neither of them eat it. Instead, they start smooshing each other’s faces with the deliciously cold cake, Terezi smearing a nice mustache and goatee onto Dave’s face while he drew her some funky heart glasses (some of the frosting even got onto her eyebrows).

Terezi ends up throwing her bouquet at Karkat’s sleeping form when the wedding’s over, still covered in icing and toilet paper but too giddy to even care. He subconsciously clutches onto the flowers and crushes them under his weight eventually, killing the jade blood’s beautiful petunias.

The whole time they’re sharing small kisses here and there and laughing their asses off, not even caring about the fact that they’re covering in cake and having fake weddings and generally being loud while everyone else is trying to sleep. It wasn’t like they didn’t see this coming any time soon, oh no; they should’ve seen this coming a long time ago.

Maybe they were scared or maybe there were feelings elsewhere but that didn’t matter now because they’re clutching onto each other and whispering soft words loud enough for only them to hear in this quiet room, foreheads pressed together and they can’t even pretend that they didn’t just do the stupidest thing _ever_.

“What are we doing?” He asks, licking his thumb before bringing it up to Terezi’s face, rubbing hard at the leftover cake over her eyes.

“I don’t know,” She admits, leaning forward to lick at Dave’s badly caked hair, a tealish residue left in its spot, a sharp grin on her face, “But I’m having fun.”

Man does he want to kiss that grin, make love to it and call it the next morning.

All in all, Dave really can’t remember the last time he’s felt a twinge bit better since this game even started. It’s always felt like one bad thing after another and that he was slowly losing his sanity. Thank god he has people that keep him level headed like Rose, Kanaya and Terezi.

But mostly Terezi.

“Me too,” He says and then they’re kissing again.


End file.
